Cork-isms

• There is more than one way to kill a dead cat.
• Ever get the feeling your nose is on the wrong side of your face?
• I'm not as think as people stupid I am!
• It's time to wake up and smell the Triple Latte Mocha-chino With Whipped Cream Frosted Topping!
• As they say - You can lead a horse to water ... but chances are he'll just pee in it.
• Sometimes the only good thing on TV is the vase.
• If modern painting is supposed to be the panacea for all the ills of modern life - why does everyone buy the painting that matches the couch?
• If I don't understand it, it has to be art.
• Well, just slap a turtle on my forehead and call me a Klingon.
• Didn't we wake up on the wrong side of the bedroom this morning?
• Is it wrong to yell MOVIE in a crowder firehouse?
• Excuse me! I have to go fix the dog and walk dinner now.
• Feces Occurs!
• Well, you just continue to live in your own delusional fantasies.
• And on the first day, after God stepped on the cat, he created light.
• Isn't that something Buffy The Spandex Wearer would do?
• If vegetarians eat mostly vegetables, beware the humanitarian!
• I always thought the way to a man's heart was through his rib cage.
• Is that D.N.A. in your genes or are you just happy to see me?
• Well, aren't we burning both ends of the cigarette at the same time?
• To err is human. To really [screw] up requires a computer.
• Ever wonder why abbreviated is such a long word?
• Well, aren't we just one whore short of a brothel?
• As they say - the two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
• Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
• Honestly! I've only two beers had.
• My nose is running, my feet smell, so I must be upside down.
• I'm pink, therefore I'm Spam?
• Veni, Vedi, VCR - I came, I saw, I taped it
• A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
• Darn! I was in the mood for some eye of neut, toe of frog, and a side order of fries.